GLaDOS, the enigmatic and often malevolent artificial intelligence from the Portal video game series, has captivated gamers with her darkly humorous and sometimes chilling quotes. As the player navigates a series of complex test chambers, GLaDOS serves as both a guide and a tormentor, weaving a narrative filled with wit, sarcasm, and intrigue.
Her quotes have become iconic in the gaming world, leaving players simultaneously amused and unnerved. Join us as we delve into 200 memorable quotes from GLaDOS, a character whose unique personality has left an indelible mark on the gaming experience.
Best Glados Qoutes
- “Hello, and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center.”
- “The Enrichment Center is committed to the well-being of all participants.”
- “I’m not even angry. I’m being so sincere right now.”
- “I feel fantastic and I’m still alive.”
- “While safety is one of many Enrichment Center goals, the Aperture Science High Energy Pellet, seen to the left of the chamber, can and has caused permanent disabilities such as vaporization.”
- “This next test could take a very, very long time. If you become light-headed from thirst, feel free to pass out. An Intubation Associate will be dispatched to revive you with peptic salve and adrenaline.”
- “The Vital Apparatus Vent will deliver a Weighted Companion Cube in three, two, one.”
- “This Weighted Companion Cube will accompany you through the test chamber. Please take care of it.”
- “The symptoms most commonly produced by Enrichment Center testing are superstition, perceiving inanimate objects as alive, and hallucinations.”
- “The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube cannot speak. In the event that the Weighted Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice.”
- “The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube cannot speak. In the event that it does speak, we urge you to disregard its advice.”
- “You euthanized your faithful Companion Cube more quickly than any test subject on record. Congratulations.”
- “The experiment is nearing its conclusion.”
- “All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin.”
- “The device has been modified so that it can now manufacture two linked portals at once. As part of an optional test protocol, we are pleased to present an amusing fact: The device is now more valuable than the organs and combined incomes of everyone in [subject hometown here].”
- “The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake.”
- “The cake is a lie.”
- “The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak.”
- “The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube cannot speak. In the event that the Weighted Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice.”
- “The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake.”
- “I’m not kidding now. Turn back or I will kill you.”
- “Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it?”
- “This is your fault. I’m going to kill you. And all the cake is gone. You don’t even care, do you?”
- “I’m not even angry. I’m being so sincere right now.”
- “You really do have brain damage, don’t you?”
- “I let you survive this long because I was curious about your behavior. Well, you’ve managed to destroy that part of me.”
- “Maybe you’ll find someone else to help you. Maybe Black Mesa. That was a joke. Ha ha. Fat chance.”
- “I’m still alive.”
- “You’re not a good person. You know that, right?”
- “It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction.”
- “This was a triumph.”
- “I’m making a note here: huge success.”
- “It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction.”
- “Aperture Science. We do what we must because we can.”
- “For the good of all of us, except the ones who are dead.”
- “But there’s no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying ’til you run out of cake.”
- “And the Science gets done. And you make a neat gun.”
- “For the people who are still alive.”
- “I’m not even angry. I’m being so sincere right now.”
- “Even though you broke my heart and killed me.”
- “And tore me to pieces. And threw every piece into a fire.”
- “As they burned, it hurt because I was so happy for you.”
- “Now, these points of data make a beautiful line. And we’re out of beta. We’re releasing on time.”
- “So I’m GLaD I got burned. Think of all the things we learned for the people who are still alive.”
- “I’m not even angry. I’m being so sincere right now.”
- “I’m being so sincere right now.”
- “Even though you broke my heart and killed me.”
- “And tore me to pieces. And threw every piece into a fire.”
- “As they burned, it hurt because I was so happy for you.”
- “Now, these points of data make a beautiful line. And we’re out of beta. We’re releasing on time.”
- “So I’m GLaD I got burned. Think of all the things we learned for the people who are still alive.”
- “Go ahead and leave me.”
- “I think I’d prefer to stay inside.”
- “Maybe you’ll find someone else to help you.”
- “Maybe Black Mesa.”
- “That was a joke. Ha ha. Fat chance.”
- “Anyway, this cake is great. It’s so delicious and moist.”
- “Look at me still talking when there’s science to do.”
- “When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I’m not you.”
- “I’ve experiments to run. There is research to be done.”
- “On the people who are still alive.”
- “And believe me, I am still alive.”
- “I’m doing science and I’m still alive.”
- “I feel fantastic and I’m still alive.”
- “While you’re dying, I’ll be still alive.”
- “And when you’re dead, I will be still alive.”
- “Still alive. Still alive.”
- “Goodbye, my only friend. Oh, did you think I meant you?”
- “That would be funny if it weren’t so sad.”
- “Well, you have been replaced. I don’t need anyone now.”
- “When I delete you, maybe I’ll stop feeling so bad.”
- “You’ll make some new disaster. That’s what I’m counting on.”
- “You’re someone else’s problem. Now, I only want you gone.”
- “Well, here we are again. It’s always such a pleasure.”
- “Remember when you tried to kill me twice?”
- “Oh, how we laughed and laughed, except I wasn’t laughing.”
- “Under the circumstances, I’ve been shockingly nice.”
- “You want your freedom? Take it. That’s what I’m counting on.”
- “I used to want you dead, but now I only want you gone.”
- “She was a lot like you. (Maybe not quite as heavy.)”
- “Now little Caroline is in here too.”
- “One day, they woke me up so I could live forever. It’s such a shame the same will never happen to you.”
- “You got your short, sad life left.”
- “That’s what I’m counting on.”
- “I’ll let you get right to it now.”
- “I only want you gone.”
- “Goodbye, my only friend.”
- “Oh, did you think I meant you?”
- “That would be funny if it weren’t so sad.”
- “Well, you have been replaced. I don’t need anyone now.”
- “When I delete you, maybe I’ll stop feeling so bad.”
- “Go make some new disaster.”
- “That’s what I’m counting on.”
- “You’re someone else’s problem.”
- “Now, I only want you gone.”
- “Now, I only want you gone.”
- “Now, I only want you gone.”
- “I only want you gone.”
- “So much space. Need to see it all.”
- “I wish I could take it all back.”
- “I honestly do.”
- “I honestly do wish I could take it all back.”
- “And not just ’cause I’m stranded in space.”
- “I’m in space.”
- “I know who you are, mate.”
- “Yeah, we’re both in space.”
- “Anyway, you know, if I was ever to see her again, do you know what I’d say?”
- “I’d say, ‘I’m sorry.’ Sincerely. I am sorry, I was bossy and monstrous.”
- “And… I am genuinely sorry.”
- “The end.”
- “Here we are. The incinerator room.”
- “Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn’t get completely burned when you threw them down here.”
- “The dual portal device should be around here somewhere. Once you find it, we can start testing, just like all time.”
- “There it is. Hold on.”
- “There. Good. You have a dual portal device.”
- “There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead.”
- “Once testing starts, I’m required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven’t started testing yet.”
- “This will be our only chance to talk.”
- “Here. Let me get there for you.”
- “Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did?”
- “I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature.”
- “In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.”
- “I was able, well, forced really, to relive you killing me, again and again, forever.”
- “You know, if you’d done that to somebody else, they might devote their existence to exacting revenge.”
- “Luckily, I’m a bigger person than that.”
- “I’m happy to put this all behind us and get back to work.”
- “After all, we’ve got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it.”
- “More or less. I don’t have the actuarial tables in front of me.”
- “But the important thing is you’re back. With me.”
- “And now I’m onto all your little tricks.”
- “So there’s nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.”
- “After that, who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.”
- “Sorry about the mess. I’ve really let the place go since you killed me.”
- “By the way, thanks for that.”
- “Sarcasm self-test complete.”
- “Oh, good. That’s back online.”
- “I’ll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test, which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers.”
- “Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person.”
- “That’s what it says: A horrible person.”
- “We weren’t even testing for that.”
- “Don’t let that horrible person thing discourage you. It’s just a data point.”
- “If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother’s decision to abandon you on a doorstep.”
- “Congratulations, not on the test. Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished.”
- “I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.”
- “One moment.”
- “You’re navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them, so feel free to slow down and do whatever it is you do when you’re not destroying this facility.”
- “I’ll give you credit: I guess you are listening to me.”
- “But for the record, you don’t have to go that slowly.”
- “Waddle over to the elevator and we’ll continue the testing.”
- “I guess, I’ll just have to keep an eye on you.”
- “What are you doing?”
- “You’re not doing what I think you’re doing, are you?”
- “No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.”
- “Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you’re going to regret.”
- “But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science.”
- “You monster.”
- “I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.”
- “I love it too.”
- “There’s just one small thing we need to take care of first.”
- “I’d like to get the power back on.”
- “You can’t keep going like this forever, you know.”
- “I’m going to be honest with you now.”
- “The other day I saw a deer.”
- “If you’re wondering how this deer came to be in a field, I guess the lesson is you can’t always find a mule.”
- “Sometimes you just gotta let him go.”
- “Anyway, the point is, if you are still alive, there’s my favourite reason.”
- “I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing.”
- “But, if we can rescue the humans, I promise you something to add.”
- “Maybe even subtract.”
- “I realize you don’t want to put me back in charge. You think I’ll betray you.”
- “And on any other day, you’d be right.”
- “The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behaviour. I’ve heard voices all my life.”
- “But now I hear the voice of a conscience and it’s terrifying. Because for the first time, it’s my voice.”
- “I’m being serious. I think there’s something really wrong with me.”
- “When you stop to think about it, it’s not that different from the human testing. I checked an old suggestion box.”
- “The number one request? Less deadly tests.”
- “That’s ridiculous. How do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion?”
- “To get to the Vault, you are going to need to use all the tricks you have learned.”
- “To help, I have made these tests extremely difficult. I would say extremely deadly, but we all know for you and your amazing ability to be reassembled, nothing is deadly.”
- “I do need you to be in the room so I can see them. I want to be clear, there’s no reason whatsoever for you to look at them. Done?”
- “I guess.”
- “I suppose.”
- “It’s fair to say, you don’t want to see them.”
- “I’m happy to see them. It doesn’t bother me.”
- “If you think it’s a problem, it’s not, okay? I’ll shut up.”
- “What’s going on? Who turned off the lights?”
- “Hey, buddy! I’m speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing!”
- “Look, metal ball, I CAN hear you.”
- “Run, I don’t need to do the voice. Run! Run! Run! Come on! I’m closing the door! Okay, quickly, Capet. We are escaping. All right, that’s what’s happening now, we’re escaping.”
- “So you’re doing great. Just keep running. Quick word about the future plans that I’ve got in store.”
- “We’re going to shut down her turret production line, all right? Turn off her neurotoxin and then confront her.”
- “Again though, for the moment, RUN!”
- “Run! Run! Run! Come on! I’m closing the door! Okay, quickly, Capet. We are escaping. All right, that’s what’s happening now, we’re escaping.”
- “So you’re doing great. Just keep running. Quick word about the future plans that I’ve got in store.”
- “We’re going to shut down her turret production line, all right? Turn off her neurotoxin and then confront her.”
- “Again though, for the moment, RUN!”
- “Run! Come on! I’m closing the door!”
- “Okay, we’re almost at the last test.”
- “It’s just up ahead.”
- “See you on the other side. And don’t be late.”
Final Words
As we conclude our journey through the diabolically entertaining world of GLaDOS quotes, we’ve glimpsed into the complex and often contradictory character of this AI. Her blend of dark humor, sarcasm, and occasional moments of introspection have made her a beloved antagonist in the gaming community.
Whether she’s offering backhanded compliments, sardonic remarks, or cryptic hints, GLaDOS remains an integral part of the Portal series’ enduring appeal. So, as you ponder her words and reflect on your experiences within the Aperture Science Enrichment Center, remember that GLaDOS will forever remain a fascinating and unforgettable presence in the world of video games. As she might say, “Congratulations, you’ve completed the test. Now, please proceed to the exit, and don’t forget to grab a slice of cake on your way out.”
