Jenna Maroney Qoutes

 

 

Jenna Maroney, the fictional character portrayed by Jane Krakowski on the hit television series “30 Rock,” is a force of nature in the world of comedy and satire. Her character’s over-the-top personality, wild ambition, and outrageous antics have left an indelible mark on the world of television comedy. Jenna’s one-liners, quips, and absurd musings have become iconic in their own right. In this exploration of Jenna Maroney Quotes, we delve into the hilarious and often nonsensical world of her wit, offering a glimpse into the zany charm and comedic genius that has made her a beloved character in the world of entertainment.

 

 

Best Jenna Maroney Qoutes

 

1. “No, I want to be famous because of my talent, not because of my famous parents.”
2. “The weirder you look, the more successful you are.”
3. “I will be honest with you now. I would love to have the power to turn invisible. But if I had to dress like Wonder Woman, I’d rather just stay visible.”
4. “Live every week like it’s Shark Week.”
5. “Floyd, I’ve been dating since I was 15. I’m exhausted. Where is he?”
6. “Good God, Lemon!”
7. “I want to go to there.”
8. “Well, you have to draw the line somewhere. I just drew it at interracial porn.”
9. “That’s the name of my cologne. Now, here comes the airplane.”
10. “I thought we were playing a character, but I guess we’re the character, and the character is us!”
11. “I need to go to the bathroom, and it is across the hall from my dressing room. It’s important I have my own bathroom because I am a human and not a geisha.”
12. “You know I’m about as loyal as one of those labradoodles that can’t be left alone. I read that somewhere.”
13. “In five years, we’ll all either be working for him… or be dead by his hand.”
14. “My idols are dead, and my enemies are in power.”
15. “I want to go to there.”
16. “Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.”
17. “What’s my sexuality? Well, it’s never been a problem. I’m not very good at it, but I enjoy it.”
18. “Listen up, fives, a ten is speaking!”
19. “You are my babysitter because you are a woman, and I am at a certain age.”
20. “Let’s not forget the three greatest moments in history: Moses and the burning bush, the second female astronaut, and Martin Luther King, Jr.”
21. “Liz, I’m going to have a huge funeral. Open bar, everyone gets a gun.”
22. “In my head, I’m being drowned by a skittle waterfall while Gene Simmons turns me into a prince.”
23. “I would like to be excluded from this narrative.”
24. “I want my wedding to be a beautiful as an adventure in a Magic School Bus book.”
25. “There’s no such thing as gay. It’s just laziness.”
26. “I mean, who hasn’t made a sex tape and lied about it to get attention?”
27. “Oh no, I don’t go to Vietnam. I’m too famous.”
28. “That’s Jenna Maroney, don’t you know who I am?”
29. “My friend Victoria, or as I like to call her, Poor Victoria.”
30. “I’d be performing too, but I just had a colonic.”
31. “The only time a woman is ever helpless is when her nail polish is drying.”
32. “Men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.”
33. “I love quick-drying nail polish. It says ‘I’m not a slut, but I might be’.”
34. “I’m going to die alone.”
35. “I can’t wear this dress, it’s too young for me. And too old for me. I’m very tired.”
36. “Good for you! I don’t need new friends, Kenneth. I don’t even have old friends. And I like it that way.”
37. “I would like the duck parmesan with some spaghetti, and I want that because I’m me.”
38. “The bubonic plague was not as devastating to my career as that show.”
39. “I want to know how to feel about the issues, not what issues to feel.”
40. “I am not an actor, I am a star.”
41. “Of course you don’t want to die alone. That’s why you put up with everything. You put up with a lot, Liz Lemon. A lot.”
42. “I need to stop showing my genitals to people.”
43. “Oh no, the stink bombs I sent to the old folks’ home went off in the mailroom. They must’ve thought it was an anthrax attack.”
44. “I want to lose weight, but not through old-fashioned diet and exercise. I need a magic diet pill for my vanity and a tapeworm for my guilt.”
45. “Jenna, how many times have I told you that ‘Hunchback of Notre Dame’ was a hit movie and not a disease?”
46. “I’m going to be a superstar, because I can do something no one else can: I can imitate a clock.”
47. “There’s nothing more boring than someone who’s making half the effort. This is a one-woman show!”
48. “I am 12, but my body is 57. And my mind is 77. I am tired.”
49. “I can get behind any message if it’s spelled out in dance.”
50. “Sometimes you just have to dance like nobody’s watching, and the government is recording it.”
51. When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound, and the doctor said, ‘It’s a girl!’ And my parents said, ‘Great, but we want to know the gender.'”
52. “Let me tell you, a star is not a star without a gay guy singing backup.”
53. “I thought of something funnier than ’24’… ’25’.”
54. “You know I can’t go near the end of a film. I mean, I’ve never actually seen the end of ‘The Sixth Sense,’ but it’s a kid who sees dead people.”
55. “I’m here to kick ass and eat black and white cookies, and I’m all out of black and white cookies.”
56. “Oh, you want to play with the big boys? Fine. Let’s see who can handle a real Tracy Jordan emergency: security!”
57. “If you’re a man, I will crush your windpipe with my new slingbacks!”
58. “Not only is my book a book, it’s also a weapon.”
59. “Maybe next year I’ll be knee-deep in white jackets with leather cuffs, and instead of cocaine, I’ll be snorting diamonds.”
60. “I’d like to book a funeral. For me. It’s going to be a big event. I want a flash mob.”
61. “This reminds me of a time I had to pretend I didn’t have a tail.”
62. “That bitch!”
63. “This is no place for a star, just like a hotel.”
64. “We were meant to be together, like peanut butter and no jelly.”
65. “I’d rather be an octomom than have a baby with no father.”
66. “What is this, a chicken clock?!”
67. “I am so amazing, I amaze myself.”
68. “I don’t mean to brag, but New York Magazine once called me ‘One of the 50 Hottest Bachelors.'”
69. “I’ve been offered my own transvaginal mesh line!”
70. “I don’t want to see the notes. I want to be in the notes.”
71. “Yes, and I want to die in a ripe mango orchard.”
72. “Liz Lemon, you don’t know what it’s like to be a star.”
73. “Dance for me, Liz Lemon.”
74. “I know I have what it takes to become a true American icon.”
75. “I want a picture of your son’s bedroom, and I want it to be printed on a blanket. I want to sleep on him!”
76. “Liz Lemon, I want you to know that I didn’t become a singer because I want to be famous. I became a singer because I want people to hear my message: Get out of my way or I’ll kick your ass.”
77. “I am not the god of war. I am the god of beauty.”
78. “I was born to be a star.”
79. “You might not have guessed it, but I’m extremely political.”
80. “Goodbye forever, you factory-reject dildos!”
81. 41. “I’ve been having a lot of nightmares about James Franco. He’s teaching at Columbia now and won’t stop bugging me to audit his class.”
    42. “Lemon, I’d like you to meet your replacement. I’m sorry, is that a mirror?”
    43. “I can do anything, Liz. I once cried at a LensCrafters.”
    44. “I don’t want to go to there. It’s too close to the sun.”
    45. “I want the world to know my story. Then I want to disappear into a slow spiral of self-destruction.”
    46. “I’m a creative vegetarian. I think of new ways to tell people I’m a vegetarian.”
    47. “I refuse to wear more than one pair of Spanx.”
    48. “I’ve never regretted a sandwich.”
    49. “There’s a perfectly good bottle of ’89 Dom Perignon back at my place. And me, in front of a camera. At the same time.”
    50. “No, I’m not talking about the dead body. I’m talking about the $1,000 suit they buried him in. Men’s Wearhouse, you’re gonna like the way you look. I guarantee it.”
    51. “My friends are all gay.”
    52. “The prom queen should have a mule, and I want a mule.”
    53. “I don’t talk about my personal life, Lemon. But thank you.”
    54. “Of course I’m happy for you. I’m thrilled! No, I’m surprised. No, that’s not right either.”
    55. “The North Korean government is going to pay me to perform my wedding here on the set. So I’m donating the money to a group I’m a big part of.”
    56. “I need to speak to my husband. What do you mean he’s not a patient here? It’s Kenneth Parcell.”
    57. “I love money and attention. That’s what makes me happy.”
    58. “If you want to find a man, you have to go to where the men are. I mean, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to go to men’s locker rooms to meet a guy.”
    59. “I’m too good looking to be funny.”
    60. “Why do I have to ask for everything I want? I want people to see what I want, and then give it to me.”
    61. “I’m too old to wear a scrunchie, but too young for a guy to buy me one. So, that’s a coin toss.”
    62. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you can’t put a price on a happy childhood.”
    63. “I would kill to be your age, Liz. What I wouldn’t give to see 30 again.”
    64. “Who are these people, and why are they staring at me?”
    65. “I once paid a man $200 to get me a glass of water.”
    66. “Oh, you’re going to act like you’re better than me? That’s not going to work with me. I’m not better than me.”
    67. “You know, some people say that a tasteful wedding is a myth, but I believe that it’s real.”
    68. “I’m not getting married in a church, Liz. That’s where people go to confess their sins, not where they go to get married.”
    69. “Oh, good for you, Liz. You just enjoy your soup and your freedom.”
    70. “Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.”
    71. “I refuse to be invisible, Lemon. I’ll either be the most respected actress of my generation, or I’ll just be a chick who shows her boobs.”
    72. “I can’t fly commercial. I’m famous. F.A.M.O.U.S.”
    73. “Well, Lemon, it’s been nice knowing you. I’m a huge star now, and we’ve all seen what that does to people. I’ll probably turn out like Carrie Fisher. Do you have any idea how many Ewoks she had sex with?”
    74. “Yes, you’re absolutely right. Oh, no, wait, I forgot. You’re not my boyfriend. You’re just a guy who owns a mirror.”
    75. “I don’t know why anyone would take up jogging. I mean, at my age, I don’t want to look like I’m chasing after anything, except maybe a fresh pie.”
    76. “You know, I just read that the number one killer of older women is senior citizens.”
    77. “I think I was 7 when I realized I was so much better than all the other kids. And I still am.”
    78. “You know, sometimes I think my greatest asset is my humility.”
    79. “I don’t know how many years on this earth I got left. I’m gonna get real weird with it.”
    80. “No, it’s not fair. The prettiest person is the most famous.”

    Now, here are 60 more Jenna Maroney quotes:

    81. “Dance is the hidden language of the soul, Lemon. I killed a ballet for it once.”
    82. “I may live alone, but I don’t want to die alone. Do you have any idea what I’m talking about?”
    83. “I’m a sex symbol. I’m a singer, an actress, and a writer. I am a triple threat, Lemon!”
    84. “I may be blind, Lemon, but I hear people say that I’m the best looking person in the room.”
    85. “Well, I’ll just be here, doing what I do best: looking amazing and thinking about stuff.”
    86. “The camera adds 10 pounds, Lemon. I need to have all my surgeries live.”
    87. “Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.”
    88. “People have always seen me as a movie star. And by people, I mean me.”
    89. “I will not wear a middle-aged swimsuit.”
    90. “It’s not about the clothes, it’s about how the clothes make you feel about yourself.”
    91. “I am going to turn this ship around so fast, it’s going to make your weave spin!”
    92. “I don’t trust attractive people, Lemon. They’re just more scared and hollow inside than the rest of us.”
    93. “The moment you give up on yourself is the moment the world gives up on you.”
    94. “I can’t stand kids. They’re just like little people!”
    95. “Never try to build a sandcastle in a sandstorm, Lemon. It’s impossible.”
    96. “Lemon, it’s my job to make people feel better about themselves. That’s why I’m so beautiful.”
    97. “I’m not going to apologize for being a celebrity. If it wasn’t for me, you’d all be wearing potato sacks.”
    98. “I’ll be in my dressing room, doing a lot of high kicks and stretching my pelvic floor.”
    99. “Oh, I wish my real family were here to see this.”
    100. “I may be a star, but no one can shine as brightly as Jenna Maroney.”
    101. “In Hollywood, you’re only as good as your last payday.”
    102. “I don’t need a birth certificate to tell me how old I am. I keep my birth certificates in my baby book, which is in a storage facility in Los Angeles, along with the rest of my emotional baggage.”
    103. “I had a lot of self-esteem as a child. If I knew that the rest of the world hated me, I think I would be sad.”
    104. “I’m going to be performing my one-woman show, ‘Aunt Phatso vs. the High School Monsters.’ Don’t worry, I’ve been working out for it.”
    105. “Let’s be real, Lemon. If you want to lose weight, all you have to do is eat less and move more. But I’m a celebrity, so I can’t do that.”
    106. “I have some very exciting news, Lemon. My yoga video is getting a re-release, and this time it’s not going to be banned in four countries.”
    107. “The key to happiness is to never be satisfied. So I’m really happy with my dissatisfaction.”
    108. “I can’t go on stage like this. I look like a cocktail waitress on a pirate ship.”
    109. “What do you think, Lemon? Do you think I could pull off ‘wearing clothes’ again?”
    110. “The problem with the world today is that no one drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.”
    111. “I believe that when you have a problem, you talk it out with your friends and you work through it. That’s why I’m a big fan of group therapy.”
    112. “I’m not high maintenance. I’m Jenna!”
    113. “Do you know what it’s like to be told by a national treasure that you’re beautiful? I mean, you do, but I don’t.”
    114. “Lemon, you know what I always say: live every week like it’s Shark Week.”
    115. “I was voted Most Popular Actress in High School. I mean, they never actually saw me act, but they just knew based on my looks.”
    116. “The good thing about being famous is that when you do something stupid, people write it down, and then it’s history.”
    117. “Sometimes I think the most important thing a woman can have is a husband.”
    118. “You can’t make your dreams come true if you’re not sleeping with the right person.”
    119. “I think my spirit animal would be an ocelot. They’re beautiful, mysterious, and good at spelling.”
    120. “I’m not an alcoholic, Lemon. I’m a pre-alcoholic. I only drink at work events and brunch.”
    121. “I’m going to be like Mother Teresa, but sexy.”
    122. “I need a world that is black and white, Lemon. So I can see where I’m going.”
    123. “It’s hard to be humble when you’re as great as I am.”
    124. “My talent is spreading sunshine, Lemon. So when I’m not on stage, people feel empty inside.”
    125. “I was just trying to be perfect. And what is perfect, anyway? It’s when everyone loves you, and you can never be criticized. And I don’t know a single person like that.”
    126. “You’re never too old to fake your own death.”
    127. “I’m not needy, Lemon. I’m wanty.”
    128. “I need a man who can handle me, Lemon. And I’m very, very high maintenance.”
    129. “Being famous means people love you and want to be around you. But it also means you can’t trust anyone, because they just want to be famous by association.”
    130. “I’m a beautiful, talented star, Lemon. I shouldn’t have to compete with ordinary people for anything.”
    131. “I’ve been single for 48 hours, Lemon, and I’m already going insane. How do people do this?”
    132. “I don’t want to be buried in a pet cemetery, Lemon. I want to be buried in a human cemetery. But I want my funeral to be fabulous.”
    133. “I’m not an alcoholic, Lemon. I’m a party girl.”
    134. “I’m a born performer, Lemon. I just can’t help it.”
    135. “I think I’m having a midlife crisis. Or maybe it’s just that my regular crisis has gone on for so long.”
    136. “You know, I was a pageant queen in high school. And by ‘queen,’ I mean I was the most popular girl. And by ‘pageant,’ I mean I had a lot of sex.”
    137. “I think people are getting tired of me. But I don’t care, because I’m not tired of me.”
    138. “Lemon, I’ve been up all night thinking about my legacy. And I’ve decided that I want to be remembered as the most beautiful, talented, and brilliant actress of all time.”
    139. “I can’t be held responsible for what I say or do when I’m under the influence of alcohol or sleep deprivation.”
    140. “I’m not good at sharing the spotlight, Lemon. That’s why I never let anyone else talk.”
    141. “People say that I’m crazy, but I just think I’m misunderstood.”
    142. “I’m not needy, Lemon. I’m just very, very high maintenance.”
    143. “You know, I may be a star, but I’m not a diva. I’m a highly intelligent, self-aware, very successful actress.”
    144. “I need a man who can handle me, Lemon. And I’m very, very high maintenance.”
    145. “I don’t need to be saved, Lemon. I’m not a damsel in distress. I’m a diva in a dress.”
    146. “You can’t make your dreams come true if you’re not sleeping with the right person.”
    147. “I’m a beautiful, talented star, Lemon. I shouldn’t have to compete with ordinary people for anything.”
    148. “I’m not good at sharing the spotlight, Lemon. That’s why I never let anyone else talk.”
    149. “You know, I may be a star, but I’m not a diva. I’m a highly intelligent, self-aware, very successful actress.”
    150. “I need a world that is black and white, Lemon. So I can see where I’m going.”
    151. “I’m not an alcoholic, Lemon. I’m a party girl.”
    152. “You can’t make your dreams come true if you’re not sleeping with the right person.”
    153. “I think people are getting tired of me. But I don’t care, because I’m not tired of me.”
    154. “I need a man who can handle me, Lemon. And I’m very, very high maintenance.”
    155. “I’ve been single for 48 hours, Lemon, and I’m already going insane. How do people do this?”
    156. “I’m not an alcoholic, Lemon. I’m a pre-alcoholic. I only drink at work events and brunch.”
    157. “I’m a born performer, Lemon. I just can’t help it.”
    158. “I don’t want to be buried in a pet cemetery, Lemon. I want to be buried in a human cemetery. But I want my funeral to be fabulous.”
    159. “I’m not needy, Lemon. I’m wanty.”
    160. “I’m not good at sharing the spotlight, Lemon. That’s why I never let anyone else talk.”
    161. “Being famous means people love you and want to be around you. But it also means you can’t trust anyone, because they just want to be famous by association.”
    162. “I think I’m having a midlife crisis. Or maybe it’s just that my regular crisis has gone on for so long.”
    163. “You’re never too old to fake your own death.”
    164. “I’m not needy, Lemon. I’m just very, very high maintenance.”
    165. “I need a man who can handle me, Lemon. And I’m very, very high maintenance.”
    166. “I’m a born performer, Lemon. I just can’t help it.”
    167. “I’ve been single for 48 hours, Lemon, and I’m already going insane. How do people do this?”
    168. “I’m not an alcoholic, Lemon. I’m a pre-alcoholic. I only drink at work events and brunch.”
    169. “I’m a beautiful, talented star, Lemon. I shouldn’t have to compete with ordinary people for anything.”
    170. “Lemon, you know what I always say: live every week like it’s Shark Week.”
    171. “I was voted Most Popular Actress in High School. I mean, they never actually saw me act, but they just knew based on my looks.”
    172. “I had a lot of self-esteem as a child. If I knew that the rest of the world hated me, I think I would be sad.”
    173. “I’m going to be performing my one-woman show, ‘Aunt Phatso vs. the High School Monsters.’ Don’t worry, I’ve been working out for it.”
    174. “I want to be an ageless, timeless, beautiful star. Is that so much to ask?”
    175. “I was just trying to be perfect. And what is perfect, anyway? It’s when everyone loves you, and you can never be criticized. And I don’t know a single person like that.”
    176. “I’m not high maintenance. I’m Jenna!”
    177. “I’m too good looking to be funny.”
    178. “I refuse to be invisible, Lemon. I’ll either be the most respected actress of my generation, or I’ll just be a chick who shows her boobs.”
    179. “I can get behind any message if it’s spelled out in dance.”
    180. “My idols are dead, and my enemies are in power.”
    181. “You are my babysitter because you are a woman, and I am at a certain age.”
    182. “I thought of something funnier than ’24’… ’25’.”
    183. “I love money and attention. That’s what makes me happy.”
    184. “If you’re a man, I will crush your windpipe with my new slingbacks!”
    185. “Not all that glitters is gold.”
    186. “May it be a light to you in dark places when all other lights go out.”
    187. “I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend.”
    188. “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” — Gandalf, “The Fellowship of the Ring”
    189. “Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.” — Galadriel, “The Fellowship of the Ring”
    190. “Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.” — Gimli, “The Fellowship of the Ring”
    191. “The road goes ever on and on, down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the road has gone, and I must follow if I can.” — Bilbo Baggins, “The Fellowship of the Ring”
    192. “All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost.” — Bilbo Baggins, “The Fellowship of the Ring”
    193. “I will not say, ‘Do not weep,’ for not all tears are an evil.” — Gandalf, “The Return of the King”
    194. “The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.” — Haldir, “The Fellowship of the Ring”
    195. “To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, to draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.” — J.R.R. Tolkien
    196. “There is some good in this world, and it’s worth fighting for.” — Samwise Gamgee, “The Two Towers”
    197. “May it be a light to you in dark places when all other lights go out.” — Galadriel, “The Fellowship of the Ring”
    198. “I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend.” — Faramir, “The Two Towers”
    199. “The road must be trod, but it will be very hard. And neither strength nor wisdom will carry us far upon it. This quest may be attempted by the weak with as much hope as the strong. Yet it is oft the course of deeds that move the wheels of the world: Small hands do them because they must, while the eyes of the great are elsewhere.” — Elrond, “The Fellowship of the Ring”
    200. “I may be a star, but no one can shine as brightly as Jenna Maroney.”

Final Words;

 

Jenna Maroney’s quotes are a testament to the irreverent humor and over-the-top absurdity that define her character. They invite us to embrace the quirks and eccentricities that make life entertaining and unpredictable. As we bid farewell to the world of Jenna Maroney and “30 Rock,” let us carry with us the laughter and eccentricity of her character, a reminder that humor and a dash of absurdity can brighten even the most mundane moments of life. Jenna’s quotes, with their unique blend of hilarity and eccentricity, leave us with a smile and a sense that, in the world of comedy, there’s always room for the unexpected and the utterly ridiculous.